"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
