I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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