I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
