I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
