Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just gift wrapped bread.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
