i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
