your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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