The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
ugly people sure do ruin things
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
