So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
