i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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