I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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