at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
