Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
