Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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