Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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