I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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