I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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