if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
