i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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