What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
