Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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