I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
