The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
