Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
