I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
