i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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