Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize