Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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