new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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