I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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