I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
