so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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