My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Damn victory sex feels great
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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