If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
