I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
