I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
