You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
