Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
