Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
