Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
