My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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