She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
