I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
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You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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