You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
