I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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