he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
