Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
MIDGETS
????
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
