yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
