i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
