if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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