the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
