my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
