Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Enjoy the penises
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
