come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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