So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
