I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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