he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
