you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize