kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
