I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
