I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
