dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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