That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
