I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
