Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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