Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
