I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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