everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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