Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
