Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
