saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
