So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
